struggling to accept

that things between FC and I are actually over today....

so i sent him a text last night, no response and then he tells me this morning he didn't even notice it until this morning...this is most unusual for him which has me thinking (and why do i care i can hear you asking?) that he was sooo busy with another girl that he didn't even see a text from me...

yep, really not in a good head space today....

seems, like was always the case, when i reached out to him (which in this case i didn't and arguably what i sent didn't really need a response necessarily - an acknowledgement maybe but not a response) he invariably didn't respond...and left me hanging, or in this case, i allowed myself to be left hanging...

anyway, not happy! still feel like crap, cough still here, nose/head still very congested, tired as i woke up 4 times in the night, and not liking the reality of where things are at: which is nowhere...

and all of this because he is frankly, inconsistent...some times texting some times not and i just cannot get my head around what all of that means...and sure i said we should do what we liked but i always feel when i do what i like, his wont is occasionally to ignore me or not respond and i end up feeling like i do today...

i have NO idea why, but i just don't want to let the glimmer of hope go...i don't want to imagine that he has moved on and has met someone else (esp when he said reasons were he wasn't ready) but reality is, at some point he will...

so i'm feeling a bit hurt, i'm struggling with how to let go and really wish i didn't have to see him at work as that is just a reminder of what isn't....

so struggling is where it's at right now....

and i don't like it one little bit :(