not sure i'm in the mood to

write, but perhaps it will help me get some of this stuff off my chest....

so firstly, since I worked out my process and found a way to disentangle 'emotional investment' from 'doing a good job', work seems to be just that now...this is good! and ironically enough I feel as though, in some ways, i'm actually doing a better job!

secondly, things still feel a bit weird between Leah and I - unsure what is going on, perhaps it's nothing and we are both just busy, but I sense something isn't quite right...

thirdly, reno's are nearly finished! hopefully this time next week it will be all but done and I will be close to regaining the Sanctuary - it has been tough living through the dust, the interruption and knowing that someone other than me (or close friends/family) has a set of keys! mental note to self: get locks changed once builders go!

fourthly, and really the reason for today's post is how angry I am at FC - yes, I know, it's been 2 months or more since I found out I wasn't invited to his 40th celebrations, and i'm angrier now than I was then...guess it's taken some time to sink in, and to remember all the things he ever said, or as Christina Perri in Jar of Hearts would say 'broken all the promises'...

and you know what? he has...he told me once we would either end up together or he would become the best friend I ever had - how far away from the truth that has turned out to be - neither of those outcomes is even remotely close to where I find myself right now...

which is basically angry, feeling hurt and used, and wishing I no longer had to see him...and sure, it's improved, but today i'm hurting, i'm angry and i'm missing him...

oh well! tomorrow i'm meeting a head hunter and I've just applied for a big job at a big IT place...got to get the ball rolling, otherwise who knows how long I will be confined to the current place of work...

and for now, it actually is serving a purpose! getting paid well, although nowhere near what I believe I am worth, and learning heaps...all good!

soooo, it's good night from me and I hope that tomorrow is a much better day for me and one where I don't have those sneaking feelings of anxiety which found their way in today!

ciao!

my 2nd Melbourne Cup trifecta...

so Melbourne Cup day is one of my favourite days in the Australian sporting calendar! why you may ask?

well, couple of reasons:

• firstly, I think it's quintessentially Australian that a horse race literally brings our beautiful nation to a standstill
• secondly, it's something I have been to with my Dad (2006, can't recall who won, but he could tell you) and
• thirdly, even though him and I are rarely in the same town for the event, we have our little routine...

so it's become a tradition and reflecting on it this morning I realised a couple of things...

how grateful I am that my parents have found hobbies they love and now they are all but retired, they are truly enjoying and living their lives (good for them, they both worked bloody hard)...they have instilled in me (and I guess in my sister) a passion for things..and sure, I don't share all of their passions, but I am passionate and I am not afraid to enjoy the things I love and am passionate about...but mostly what i realised is how much Melbourne Cup is about family, or my Dad, for me...

funny, really it's about 24 horses, 24 jockeys, 24 trainers, countless owners, even more countless racegoers and millions of dollars, but for me, it's about the little rituals that I have come to regard as normal, the build up to the big day, the conversations with my Dad as we work out just who we are boxing in our trifecta...

so today, we picked the trifecta together! for me, it's my 2nd trifecta and my first one was all my own work, but today, I simply wouldn't have gotten over the line without Dad insisting that Red Cadeaux must be in the mix....and boy am I glad I listened...and this isn't our first trifecta! we've picked one previously, earlier this year at Caulfield, but picking the tri on the Cup is quite a feat!

our picks (which we do separately, although Dad has the advantage of a good mate who is a 'buff', somewhat more time than me to dedicate to the studying of the form guide, and is a much more regular racegoer than me) are typically aligned which is a good starting point, and then we debate who should make it into our final 7...over the years, we've moved away from 5 to 6 and now 7 horses that we box! seems reasonable...of course the TAB have also made it easier by allowing us to select our investment rather than have to fit into their previously rather rigid pricing structure..

I also no longer dread going into a TAB - and why? because my Dad (and my Mum, who is also a keen follower) have taught me how to place a bet and to understand the odds and race track lingo, as it were...

on the first Tuesday in November in 2006, with a winter's day that only Melbourne could serve up in spring, we did the Cup together! i'm certain we won nothing that day, but we had a ball...courtesy of IBM we did the Melbourne Cup in style...

so as I drove to work today I realised that long after my Dad is gone (and I sincerely hope that is a very long time away), Melbourne Cup will always be to me something I did with him, something he taught me to love and something we shared....special...

ps 1st Fiorente (Gai Waterhouse's first MC win, ridden by the brilliant Damien Oliver) 2nd Red Cadeaux and 3rd Mount Athos...