mbti

is truly one of my favourite tools! so today, even though i was up most of the night coughing and unable to breathe (that's another story entirely) one of my dearest friends and i facilitated not one, but 2 workshops together....funny, this time last week i was having all sorts of reservations about doing it - whether or not it would go ok with us working together for the first time, whether or not i would feel the need to compete with her, feel intimidated by her (she does this for a living - i used to) and whether or not the dynamic would be ok with me in the room (long story, but i'm in snr mnt and figured it might prevent people from contributing or being open)...but NONE of my fears came to fruition...of course!

we facilitated really well together - it flowed, it was fun, we supported each other and i think we complemented each other well - would love to be doing more of it!

i can't believe i managed to last the whole day - of course i'm paying for it now...have taken more ventolin in the last 24 hours than i have in the last year....it hurts to breathe, i can't take a deep breath without that horrible burning sensation in my lungs and coughing, well coughing is just not a good look - it hurts so much that i have a constant headache...

so my bff's hubby tells me there is some lurgy going around and he won't give me antibiotics until they rule some stuff out so it's a chest xray for me tomorrow morning! yep, exactly what i want to be doing on a friday morning when i have soooo much work to do...

oh well, not much i can do!

seems i have found a sort of 'distraction'...hmmm not sure how i feel about it! well, sure i feel good about some of the stuff he says to me, which is usually inappropriate but occasionally just really nice...so today, he says to me that if i need anything i'm not to hesitate to call him over weekend and he'll come around and bring me food and chill out with me - seriously sweet! i like this guy, i do, we've always gotten on well, but it can't go anywhere - not only because we work together (albeit remotely and he's miserably unhappy so will likely leave soon) but also because he's too young and intellectually we aren't a match...that said he does make me feel good about myself (more than i can say for a certain someone else who almost never had this effect on me) and he thinks i'm hot!

only question is whether i would in fact call him if i needed anything - i suspect not! i'm very conscious of not giving him the wrong message and of not getting a reputation at work...even though nobody knows that FC and i actually had a relationship there were rumours....funny, i'm sure if i were a man i wouldn't even give it a 2nd thought!

i'm somewhat confused about FC - his behaviour of Tuesday night i still find difficult to comprehend - someone who was so blunt during the day then asks me if he's upset me? just doesn't make any sense really...and sure i know he does actually care but frankly, it's confusing....i don't really want to get back into any sort of daily routine of out of work texting, especially when i was starting to feel much better (although one can't deny we do get on well) but i can't help but feel that he only contacts me on work stuff to start a conversation when really if he wanted to talk about work he could do it during the day? and sure i'm doing way way better, but the glimmer of hope that he might wake up and realise he wants to be with me, hasn't actually died...it's largely been shelved but what i want is to get to a point where it's not only shelved but starting to collect dust, and eventually i'll forget i ever had that box in the first place...

time, yes, even he said that it would take time, and that's right, but i would like to be free of the hope now...coz really, once the hope is gone, then i suspect it'll be much much easier for me...

anyway, my head is pounding, my chest is sore and i'm going to crawl into bed...

crawl into bed with the following thoughts from my new 'distraction'....'my hot boss' and 'you could get away with playboy you have that look and a good set on you to show off'...really? he tells me this in a text - too funny! anyway, nice to have some male interest....

question is this: will i 'need' something on the weekend and call him and if he wasn't someone i worked with would i consider a 'fling' with him? a fling is all it could be, but still, i reckon it might be fun...

nice thoughts to take to bed!

nite x