been an interesting few

days, and one would think that seemingly losing not 1, not 2 but 3 expensive rings would send me into a spin, but no.. and sure, 2 of them don't mean anything to me, but one of them is the ruby ring my mum gave me when I graduated...

I don't want to think that either the builders or the painters may have stolen them, but having turned my bedroom upside down this morning when I realised they weren't there, that seems the most obvious answer...:-(

funny, as not only are they gone, but 2 of the 3 pieces of another ring too - weird! there's a part of me that thinks they are hidden 'safely' somewhere, so safe, I can't find them, and I sincerely hope that is right...but for now, they remain unfound...

had home spiritually cleansed and blessed yesterday by Bec - that was nice...crystals placed in every room, sage burned and wafted around to clear stuff out, and a healing to complete the picture - was lovely :-) and funnily enough, I woke up feeling happier than I have in ages - content, happy and have enjoyed a lovely day pottering around...

was supposed to see Sara but she was unwell, so hope to see her Wed night for dinner....can't wait to see her the pottering included a couple of loads of washing, sheet and towel changes and I repainted the sconces...they are white again, and I think I like them - they do however need different coloured candles - the cream/neutral ones there today just don't really go...

the lexi grey ottomans were not only damaged but not really the right colour so they'll be going back....:-( back to the drawing board there the chrome and glass lamp table should arrive this week which will be nice, and Mum is going to have the chinese tea stand...

ebay sales going great guns - 2 of my suits and a jacket sold today, 2 skirts shipped off today which makes 4 skirts in total...

debt free other than mortgage, bonus approved at 100% and payrise of $25k (no really anything to get excited about and still isn't what I think I should be getting paid, but still, it's an extra $900 a month after tax and after the extra week of leave I've bought)...

holiday almost booked and considering a trip in April too as I'm taking 3 days between Easter and Anzac Day off to give me a 10 day break - yay! considering Perth, or else, may go to Wendy's up north....

anyway, I'm tired, it's been a long day as I was awake early and tomorrow is a big day at work and a hair wash day, so an early night is on the cards...

ciao x

so very impacted by

him right now seems he's finally realised how important being a manager is and he's tried (in his way i guess) to acknowledge my role in that, but in doing so has sent a thank you to one of my team and just copied me about her...never really thanks me directly and i'm hurt i'm resentful that i feel as though i've put so much effort into him and into supporting him, and really, what do i get in return - and i know i shouldn't give expecting something in return, but in this case, i guess i do and it's complicated by work, it's complicated by the fact that i really did want to be with him (for a time anyway)... it's complicated by the fact that i suspect he's lied to me, and that he is in fact 'with' Serafina, even though he maintains he's not... all of this impacted me so much that i feel extremely emotional, i do not want to see him/talk to him today and i would dearly love to be hidden away at the sanctuary... how on earth can he still impact me so much when it's been so long? well the answer to that is that a) i have to see him 5 days in every week when i'm working and b) we still have a lot to do with each other in a work sense and c) i'm someone who finds it hard to let go of stuff, and to simply 'forget' what was even when it's over... so, anyway, i've had my teary and hopefully the day will improve from here...

it's the eve of my 45th

birthday, and whilst a part of me is thinking 'fuck, 45 is old', another part of me is quite content with life...

so the good:
 - my health is largely good (only 2 days ago got an all clear mammogram result)
 - my family are good and I plan to spend more time with them in 2014
 - my job is good (the job itself is good, there are plenty of other ancillary issues, but I love the work, my little team and I'm proud of what we've achieved)
 - financially I have plenty of stability and feel very fortunate
 - I have fabulous friends, friends I love, friends who love me...it truly is the time in one's life when friends seem more important than ever before - they become, in many ways, the family we choose
 - I have plenty of travel planned including thanksgiving in NYC this year
 - my beautiful little home is all but complete following the face lift of 2013
 - I think I've worked out what I want to do with my remaining time in corporate life
 - I think I've managed to mostly put FC out of my mind despite having to see him 5 days a week, and I am finally seeing him perhaps as everyone else does
- 2013 was a year where I really saw my 'process' around certain stuff for what it is, and rather than criticise it, I think I've accepted it which has been great...
 - I've managed (mostly) to separate my bosses ridiculous views of the function I head up from being about Sarah...that's been a journey and a half
 - I feel pretty good for so called middle age and my little sis tells me 'it's just a number, and you only look 35'...
 - mostly, I'm happy...

the not so good:
 - I could lose a few pounds and I spent most of 2013 either renovating or ill from dust relating to renovating so exercise took a back seat: would like to find a way to get it back on my agenda
 - I haven't yet found a partner, but I have accepted that life is pretty good, so whilst I'd dearly love to meet someone to share my life with, in the meantime I'm not 'waiting'
 - sometimes I let my boss get me down, and I let knowledge of what others get paid make me feel less than I am: mental note to self...remember that you do a great job, you are valued and you make a difference
 - the inevitable aches and pains that start to set in as we get older become more noticeable with each passing year...
 - occasionally, FC still gets under my skin...

but mostly, honestly, life is good! I have a plan, or probably more accurately I have a direction, I love where things are at right now and the future is somewhat exciting...

so, as I prepare to turn 45 (which will happen at about 10.37pm local time tomorrow) it's rather comforting to feel happy with my lot in life...to look around me and see people I love, achievements I'm proud of, a home that is truly my sanctuary from the world, a world which probably hasn't gotten much better, but maybe I've made a difference to a few souls in it....and the year ahead which I hope holds possibly a new qualification (considering dabbling with interior decorating) and the completion of the much anticipated novel...surely with only 20,000 words to go that can be done and dusted this year?

so from this little Capricorn to you, good night...and happy birthday for me tomorrow!