so ahead of starting a new job, I'm not sure you need a peer (who was on the interview panel) to tell you that 'you almost lost us early on'....referring to the interview! now, to be honest, I actually knew that - I was asked a question to which I could have given a 2 minute overview, but I told more of a story, and thankfully, I picked up, that they looked ready to move on....I was nervous - it was a 3 on 1 situation for a job I really wanted - and with someone I thought may know my former boss....also I wasn't feeling well on the day, but really, shouldn't someone really say that? and true, I did say to him that I thought I hadn't gone so well with the other colleague (the legal person) who I knew it was important to get on board due to her tenure and close working relationship with my would be boss...
so, it's not necessarily rattled me, but I wonder if it would be better if he hadn't said it....on the other hand, I started the conversation....
anyway, to remember is the fact that he said to me 'you were my choice from the start' - this is good Sarah - remember this - not the negative - gotta love our reptilian brains that seem to hear the negative even when there is positive! and more positive is that he took time out to meet with me and share with me some of his experiences of settling in there - both of us being non government types - but he also said something else - and given he's met me for the sum total of 90 minutes, 65 minutes which was an interview, and the other time to sign my contract - he said 'you may have to change those characteristics'...
I don't know which characteristics he was referring to - but really? do we now say this informally to a colleague about to start a new job in a big role? I think we don't, but maybe that's why he's in charge of $ and not people!
anyway, I'm going to try and put that behind me and remember that the purpose of the meeting was for him to share some of his views with me - they were interesting and I sense he's had difficulty influencing certain people, but he did provide some very good tips, which i'll take on board :-)
so, hmmmm is the only way I can categorise it, but I'm spurred to now write my list - the list of 'how I want people to experience me' and that will become my aspirational Sarah - must say, it's difficult to imagine a workplace that won't be like the last one (toxic, thankless, focussed on $ only etc) but I'm so hopeful it will be different....:-)
ok, onto bigger and better things, like my list....!
books
books
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
too long between drinks....
it's true, it has been too long between drinks, and yes, I know that I almost always feel better after posting, but I haven't been able to bring myself to sit down and write about what's been happening...
I know in days, years to come, i'll look back on this time and it won't hurt so much, or I won't feel so ashamed, but right now, it's still pretty raw and some days it's all too much...
on the plus side, other days are simply lovely and it's nice to be free of a workplace which wasn't good for me...
so, where to start? I'm not one for linear, so I'm not going to start at the beginning - I want to focus on where I'm at right now (yes, yes I know, it's the counsellor in me!)...
so today - firstly, I had my hair cut and I think it's too short - yep, seems minor, but my hair is very important to my self esteem and how I feel about myself - oh well, guess it'll grow and to be fair to my fabulous hairdresser, she usually does an amazing job, and I did ask for her to cut it shorter...sigh...
so, since I left my place of work my Mum had a heart attack and has had 2 surgeries to install 2 steints - these seem (fingers crossed) to have been successful but of course both she and my Dad are now incredibly stressed, and me too....and my Dad then tells us he's been lightheaded a few times so now he's in for tests too...OMG!
one positive of not working has been being able to spend more time with them in Canberra, and for that I'm very grateful....
ok, so today! so today, amidst negotiations re this job - the job I really want, the one they think I'm perfect for, the agent tells me that having done 3 references and the 4th tomorrow, the would be boss wants to talk to my former boss...
imagine my reaction - internally I just died :-( I've been quite open with the agent about why I left (did what I set out to do, needed a new challenge, was tired, tough environment etc etc - basically as much as I could say without breaching the deed - yes, another story).....she's on my side and thinks talking to my 4th referee (the most senior and the one who knows the chairman) might enable her to cut that off at the pass - but seriously! as if i'll get the role if they talk to her - on the other hand, she is bound by the deed also, and really can't say anything at all and I've mentioned to the agent that she doesn't give references so in a way it would back that story up....
anyway, I think I just need to not panic about it - reality is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it now - if he wants to call K, he will.....fact is I resigned, we agreed to an immediate departure and that's all she can say.....
so why do I feel so anxious? and I do feel anxious - the last 5 days or so has been hideous - and I should be happy right? they've verbally offered me a great job, we've agreed $ (with a few minor things to iron out), and yet still, 10 days later, I don't have a written offer...
yes, I feel stressed because there is too much uncertainty in my life right now - nothing is secure or solid, and I'm really not coping well with that....I want this job, I'm right for this job, it means more time with Mum and Dad and a big change (which is probably needed)....and the thought (and it is only a thought) that 'she' could get in the way of that really annoys me...
sure, they want to ask her what I'm like, but who's asking me what she's like? nobody frankly, and yes, agent admits she has a reputation, but still, the would be boss may want to talk to her....
not happy jan! but I'm going to have to just put it behind me....nothing more I can do now but hope that it comes off...
and if it doesn't, then I'm certain it's the universe's way of making sure I'm not there....
nite
x
I know in days, years to come, i'll look back on this time and it won't hurt so much, or I won't feel so ashamed, but right now, it's still pretty raw and some days it's all too much...
on the plus side, other days are simply lovely and it's nice to be free of a workplace which wasn't good for me...
so, where to start? I'm not one for linear, so I'm not going to start at the beginning - I want to focus on where I'm at right now (yes, yes I know, it's the counsellor in me!)...
so today - firstly, I had my hair cut and I think it's too short - yep, seems minor, but my hair is very important to my self esteem and how I feel about myself - oh well, guess it'll grow and to be fair to my fabulous hairdresser, she usually does an amazing job, and I did ask for her to cut it shorter...sigh...
so, since I left my place of work my Mum had a heart attack and has had 2 surgeries to install 2 steints - these seem (fingers crossed) to have been successful but of course both she and my Dad are now incredibly stressed, and me too....and my Dad then tells us he's been lightheaded a few times so now he's in for tests too...OMG!
one positive of not working has been being able to spend more time with them in Canberra, and for that I'm very grateful....
ok, so today! so today, amidst negotiations re this job - the job I really want, the one they think I'm perfect for, the agent tells me that having done 3 references and the 4th tomorrow, the would be boss wants to talk to my former boss...
imagine my reaction - internally I just died :-( I've been quite open with the agent about why I left (did what I set out to do, needed a new challenge, was tired, tough environment etc etc - basically as much as I could say without breaching the deed - yes, another story).....she's on my side and thinks talking to my 4th referee (the most senior and the one who knows the chairman) might enable her to cut that off at the pass - but seriously! as if i'll get the role if they talk to her - on the other hand, she is bound by the deed also, and really can't say anything at all and I've mentioned to the agent that she doesn't give references so in a way it would back that story up....
anyway, I think I just need to not panic about it - reality is there is absolutely nothing I can do about it now - if he wants to call K, he will.....fact is I resigned, we agreed to an immediate departure and that's all she can say.....
so why do I feel so anxious? and I do feel anxious - the last 5 days or so has been hideous - and I should be happy right? they've verbally offered me a great job, we've agreed $ (with a few minor things to iron out), and yet still, 10 days later, I don't have a written offer...
yes, I feel stressed because there is too much uncertainty in my life right now - nothing is secure or solid, and I'm really not coping well with that....I want this job, I'm right for this job, it means more time with Mum and Dad and a big change (which is probably needed)....and the thought (and it is only a thought) that 'she' could get in the way of that really annoys me...
sure, they want to ask her what I'm like, but who's asking me what she's like? nobody frankly, and yes, agent admits she has a reputation, but still, the would be boss may want to talk to her....
not happy jan! but I'm going to have to just put it behind me....nothing more I can do now but hope that it comes off...
and if it doesn't, then I'm certain it's the universe's way of making sure I'm not there....
nite
x
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