turned the corner, set some boundaries...

and suddenly, i'm feeling better....

so i had an epiphany monday - something about expectations and thinking that me setting boundaries was me being rude...

but turns out, practice is all it takes!

so last night, when i was so tired i could hardly stay awake on the drive home, i noticed a text from him...i looked at it, deleted it and decided not to respond! amazing...yes, i think so too...

and tonight, another text, and an offer to go thru a report he'd sent me earlier in day and i thought - nah, too tired, and we can do at work - so i replied with 'thanks, but no...'

usually i would jump at the chance to 'get into' a conversation with him, and work has many a time been a hook for him to get me in...but nope, last coupla days when i have felt absolutely shattered by the time i left work (am working pretty hard right now as we have stacks on) the last thing i have felt like doing is talking to him, or anyone, about work...

and sure, a small part of me is still pleased to see his number appear on my screen, but more and more i'm trying to create some space, some distance between us - and not necessarily because that's what i want (although the realisation of the other week was that i seem to be happier when we have no out of work contact) but because it's what he wanted and i have simply made myself far too available to him...

well, no more! and not out of spite, or not because i don't want to be available, but actually, i'd like him to miss me, to realise that i have always been there for him, listening to him whinge about his boss, or talk about whatever other thing he wanted to talk about, but when i have really wanted him to be there for me, he simply hasn't been...hence my dashed hopes...add to that my sense of expectation and really, it was getting me nowhere...

so the last few days i feel as though i have regained some control, and sure it's been hard, it's certainly taken some 'self control' which i have struggled to exercise before, but i actually think i'm turning the corner...

so wonder what is around that corner? and every time i practice putting a boundary in place, it's going to get easier and easier and easier until i simply don't even realise i'm doing it...

yay!

nite peeps, happy thursday to y'all...