i'm so mad with you...

that's what i want to say to him and it's going to take an enormous amount of willpower not to...

honestly, i am mad mad mad

so why did he bother asking me to think about what i wanted, and tell me he was confused, when in fact, it seems like he wasn't

he had clearly made up his mind and i didn't even get a look in

as one of my bff's said 'he won't throw caution to the wind, what wind?'...and she's right

fuck! i'm so annoyed, i'm disappointed, i'm feeling a bit annoyed with myself for allowing myself to think he could be someone i'd like to get to know better, when the signs from the get go were not good..

essentially i let his interest in me talk me into having an interest in him

yep, i'm mad, really bloody mad

that's gotta be a good sign though right? better than being a crying mess (in fact, haven't even done any crying since last sunday's melt down...that in itself is surely a sign)

sooo only a couple of questions remain:

a) how will i manage to not tell him how pissed off i am

b) how long will the little fantasy i have in my head, you know, the one where in a coupla months he says 'i'm an idiot, i like you, give me another chance'

c) how quickly will i be able to forget it all so it doesn't impact my work (it isn't in practical terms, but emotionally it's hard to turn up knowing he's there - not like i can escape from it...)

d) was he really just a practice run?

so many questions! perhaps re a) it's a good job i have deleted him from my phone, as at least contacting him means going to more than the usual effort of sending a text...

yep, i am mad with him, so mad i could scream...