one of two....

so let me start with the good stuff! last week, after a few days off, then a few more days in Canberra with the parentals, I came home and thought 'it's time'....

time for what  you may ask? and yes, true, I was spurred on by the countless ads on the telly, and of course a message from my spirit guides delivered by the lovely Bec...'you could help by getting out there a bit'...

so, I re-activated my eHarmony profile...it's been a while and honestly, when I put my toe in the water last year I just wasn't ready

but I feel good, and even though the last few months have had their fair share of challenges, I feel that I have met them head on and am stronger, and happier, and more complete somehow :-)

so, less than a day after said re-activation, I got a 'smile' from one 'Dave'...I checked out his profile and read it a few times, as I recall in the past, there have been times where I may have overlooked potentially important details (Ben, as an example who turned out to be a smoker), others who have been too short etc....and sere that might all sound superficial, but I know what I want, so I figure there's no point in the first instance, compromising...

so, once we'd gotten through the 'guided communication hoops' where I found that on the whole we had a staggering number of similarities (this is good), we started emailing directly....this went on for all of last weekend where we had upwards of 40 emails....talking about all manner of things and just generally trying to get to know each other in the comfort of being behind a screen...

by the end of Sunday, he'd told me he really liked me, wanted to meet me and that I had lovely eyes...so we progressed to phone/text and have spoken a number of times during the week...

and, all going well, we'll be going out on Tuesday night...and I am very much looking forward to meeting him in person

this is (seemingly) a nice man; a man who knows himself and what is important to him, a man who is articulate, and I suspect a gentle soul...he is funny (in a whacky quirky sort of a way), he's articulate, seems to be quite comfortable talking about feelings and expressing himself (case in point his description of his perfect rainy Sunday)....

so, bring on Tuesday! funny too that this morning, after waking up early and rolling over to go back to sleep I had some rather odd dreams, with him in them...having thought them through and discussed them with Sal (just happened to see her today), my conclusion is as follows, and in no particular order as I can't recall the order:

a) I'm at a bar with friends and I am not expecting to see him but he turns up and gives me one of those protective beautiful hugs.....reassures me that he is there for me and on my side (interpretation: confirms that I am pretty clear on my preferences for height etc and it's what I want, even though I've resisted verbalising it as I felt it was superficial, but really, given my background, it's not surprising).  what struck me about this dream was how I felt when he held me...safe, protected, like he was on my side...I like it!

b) still in the bar but this time we're sitting at a high table; in one scene he's wearing one shirt and has no facial hair and in the next moment, he's wearing a different shirt, has facial hair and is smoking...interesting! wondering if this is me wondering if I've missed something, or wondering if he's lied to me to only show me the side he thinks I might want to see...may be related to the issue I have with Nick right now re him deceiving me (even though he says he hasn't - sad thing is, only person Nick is really deceiving is himself, so guess I should be happy and grateful he's no longer someone I'm remotely interested in...and I am happy!);

c) this one's weird! we're at mine, all of my furniture (well the smallish movable pieces) are stacked up outside the front door of the building and he's helping me in with them, although I remember asking him why he'd put stuff outside? next scene we're inside watching something on telly, mum is there, grandma is there and some other bloke I don't recognise...I go for a shower and when I come back he's gone...I don't really have any clue what this is about, other than possibly my fear that he will just up and leave, and yet again, I'll be abandoned...possibly it relates more to other relationships rather than him, but weird and maybe my subconscious reminding me that I'd like things to be different this time :-) funny though, in this scene it didn't look like Dave - but in the others (except e) it did...?

d) we are sitting somewhere, not my place, me on a couch, him on the floor and we're talking and then he looks at me and says 'I don't think we're a good match'...the oddest thing is how I feel in the dream (and when I wake up as I'm pretty sure this was the last snippet)...sad, disappointed and wondering what is wrong with me...again, very familiar territory, so perhaps I've experienced it here (in the dream) so it'll be different in reality? otherwise, it's a simple reflection of my fear of not being good enough...

e) in this scene, again it doesn't look like the person I know from the photos (of course, we haven't met in person yet, so hard to say)...we are walking along the street, he has his hands firmly in his pockets - I'm coaxing him to try and hold my hand - when he reluctantly takes his hand from his pocket, I refuse to hold it...weird! that one may stem all the way back to Ben as I recall a day early in our relationship (which I now know was the start of a major depressive episode) where he wouldn't hold my hand...I was hurt

so, all rather interesting...but what I can tell you is this! so far, I like this man and am very much looking forward to meeting him...