not sure i'm in the mood to

write, but perhaps it will help me get some of this stuff off my chest....

so firstly, since I worked out my process and found a way to disentangle 'emotional investment' from 'doing a good job', work seems to be just that now...this is good! and ironically enough I feel as though, in some ways, i'm actually doing a better job!

secondly, things still feel a bit weird between Leah and I - unsure what is going on, perhaps it's nothing and we are both just busy, but I sense something isn't quite right...

thirdly, reno's are nearly finished! hopefully this time next week it will be all but done and I will be close to regaining the Sanctuary - it has been tough living through the dust, the interruption and knowing that someone other than me (or close friends/family) has a set of keys! mental note to self: get locks changed once builders go!

fourthly, and really the reason for today's post is how angry I am at FC - yes, I know, it's been 2 months or more since I found out I wasn't invited to his 40th celebrations, and i'm angrier now than I was then...guess it's taken some time to sink in, and to remember all the things he ever said, or as Christina Perri in Jar of Hearts would say 'broken all the promises'...

and you know what? he has...he told me once we would either end up together or he would become the best friend I ever had - how far away from the truth that has turned out to be - neither of those outcomes is even remotely close to where I find myself right now...

which is basically angry, feeling hurt and used, and wishing I no longer had to see him...and sure, it's improved, but today i'm hurting, i'm angry and i'm missing him...

oh well! tomorrow i'm meeting a head hunter and I've just applied for a big job at a big IT place...got to get the ball rolling, otherwise who knows how long I will be confined to the current place of work...

and for now, it actually is serving a purpose! getting paid well, although nowhere near what I believe I am worth, and learning heaps...all good!

soooo, it's good night from me and I hope that tomorrow is a much better day for me and one where I don't have those sneaking feelings of anxiety which found their way in today!

ciao!