some people don't recognise

a friend in need....

or maybe they don't recognise a friend...

bloody FC - why is it so fucking challenging with him? I have really really really tried hard in recent weeks to lower my expectations of him, to accept him for who he is and what he can offer (which frankly, is limited...I don't want to say not much, so limited seems a nicer way to describe him)....

his behaviour is confusing, inconsistent and leaves me feeling that it really is a one way street...and truth is, it probably is, and he probably did tell me that way back when...guess I didn't want to believe it, thinking, as I still do, that there is something between us and eventually he'll see the light...

perhaps he won't

perhaps the only person who needs to see the light is me

yes me, the ever hopeful somewhat deluded dreamer

sigh...yes, deep deep sigh

after all this time I still like this man....of course, I am able to be objective about him, well more than previously, and I can certainly see his limitations, but occasionally I get a glimpse of what I liked, what I fell for, and then I get the mixed messages and all that results in is confusion and doubt

confusion and doubt - surely neither of these are the desired result when you are having a relationship? therein lies some very useful insight...

so anyway, tonight, after a very sudden overwhelming feeling of being a bit lost (existentially) and having a bit of a panic I texted him (was my plan to see if he wanted to take me for a drink), when he eventually answers, I tell him I thought he might take me for a drink, he asks what would make me want a mid week drink, when I tell him he responds with 'xx annoys me' and some work shit

really? no acknowledgement at all

at least I didn't proceed into a full FC related meltdown but still i'm upset, i'm upset that he thinks we are friends but responds in this manner....

oh well, I am determined not to let this eat away at me all night, and to not let him live rent free in my head, as it were....

still, he is occasionally dense and I told him that....

really need to exorcise him from my brain - an intervention is required!

nite

xx