so perhaps the way to

do it, is softly softly...

so unlike the draft post which will not be published - of thursday night when i was truly beside myself (following a longer day and an even longer 2 weeks) and sobbing into the keyboard, tonight i feel calmer...

but resolute! resolved to find a way to softly introduce boundaries with Nick...it seems certain that he isn't capable of recognising when he is treading all over one of my boundaries and my past patterns seem to take hold before i 'think' when i see a text or non work email from him...

so for now, at least, rather than feel like i have to do something, say something that i have resisted saying for months, perhaps i'll just observe what he does, and not rush to respond...

and sure, in the past i've thought that rude, but really, it seems much ruder to respond in a way that then leaves me open to being walked all over by him....

and then there's the info from Bec (from my crystal healing session of last night)... the info that in my heart i probably already knew, but it's sometimes helpful to have someone else point it out...

so it seems that Nick still likes me, a lot...and he's not coping with that and is constantly fighting wanting to be with me v's not...the way she puts it, he knows he can't handle me, knows he needs to change to be with me but he sees change as 'life or death' - i kinda get that...

i guess the thing i've been intrigued about most, actually hurt more than intrigued, in past months is his contacting me out of the blue, then completely retreating...

seems she puts this down to 'he can't help himself' in terms of reaching out, but then when he does, he's frustrated and resentful so pulls back...

yep, that completely makes sense! good thing is i no longer need to take it personally - truth is i probably shouldn't have been but i do...

so tonight, sitting at my new desk, on my new chair in my soon to be 'madeover' library, i feel good...calm, good, and kinda positive....

in other news: balcony furniture arrived and i went and bought a throw and some lovely cushions - only the paint job to do out there...library bookcase ordered today, painting of my room and library to be organised i hope in next 2 - 3 weeks, bedroom furniture to be painted and re-upholstered in next month, new chest of drawers to arrive prob June/July, en suite plans nearly finalised so i'm hopeful that will commence in next few weeks....sofa from coco on order, hope it will arrive in March (following successful collection of chairs/ottoman) the lounge looks very bare! chandelier will be dropped off for restoration this week and i need to choose light fittings for library, hall, dining room and lounge! it's kinda cool making changes in my little home...Mum said it would be like moving into a new house but without the hassle of moving! so true, and very cathartic cleaning things out....have enjoyed that! oh, and i have fabulous new built in robes in both rooms and hall way including a fabulously custom made shoe cupboard!

so, life is mainly good...have retreat planned for 22/23 march with Leah, overseas trip in August and got a pay rise and bonus which i'm happy with!

and my little niece will be 6 tomorrow! where has the time gone?

nite xx