nice, naive or just plain stupid...

yep, that's what i'm wondering right now...Nick's right! i've been played....

so i had a conversation with my boss today - about something unrelated - but i mentioned to her how impacted i was by the events of the last few weeks, how stressful it was, how i feel given all i've done is try to make it a better place for people etc - she reckons what's happened doesn't change that and it's just an opportunity for me to reflect, and in years to come, maybe not now, i'll look back and realise it was the catalyst for me to operate at a higher level....comforting words actually, and i was even able to share with her how concerned i was that it was anonymous and that i'd been made to answer an anonymous complaint even though in my role i understood that she had to raise it with me - she thinks the person is lacking courage and obviously if they thought i had anything to answer would have gone through the appropriate channels - which they didn't! i should be very grateful i guess that she's supportive and understanding and has realised how much it impacts me...but she said i need to let it go and find a way to put it behind me...really, can't ask for more than that, but i am still left wondering if i'll be fired....

good thing is, there are no grounds on which they could legally do that and when i'm not tired and feeling vulnerable, i doubt they would even go down that path... she also mentioned to me that she thinks the person behind it is the same person i think is behind it! interesting....and yes, this is where Nick's right in that this person has well and truly played me.....

Nick! that's another story....gave him a gobful tonight when he chose to tell me, outside of work hours, that in a meeting he was at today, someone told a lie about something i'd allegedly said!

seriously, i'm really losing all faith in people and being nice, it seems, doesn't do you any favours... so, bed is calling and with it i'll be starting to think about whether or not my nice girl act is serving me in this role...sad thing is i think i already know the answer, but ultimately that just means this ain't the right job for me....!