a universal lesson...
OMG, in the last week or so, on no less than 4 occasions i have been tested with respect to boundaries...
something historically i haven't been very good at...but it seems as this year comes to a close, the universe is sending me multiple opportunities to test out my new found skills....
so last week, when BD came over for dinner, things 'drifted'...yep, sound familiar? so after dinner i found myself on couch with him, ended up with my head in his lap chatting and him playing with my hair...this is not, in my experience, and having consulted with friends (although i didn't need to), what friends do...so the next night we have the conversation....basically i tell him that it's obvious we like each other, there is a mutual attraction there but that this in between friends and a relationship, this flirty friends, won't work for me...amazing! have never done that before and it felt good, albeit very scary and funny thing is, he's absolutely fine with it....felt very brave to do it, but a good result as we are still friends, and i love him as a friend...
so then, imagine my surprise, that when i get home from chatting to BD, there's a text from Chris...initially a 'how are you, long time no speak' text, but the next day it deteriorates to him asking me if i'll sleep with him....hmmm! so i tell him i won't, that i want to be friends or nothing....he runs away (this is normal) then today, starts up again and i've now told him it's friend or the end of the road - and sure that not exactly what i want (meaning, we were best friends once, albeit a long time ago, and i think it might be nice to try friends)...but again, i'm not doing this flirty friend shit which just leaves me feeling confused....
he's not decided and that's fine - see he claims that friends for him is difficult as he can't be seen with me - i won't tolerate some hidden, secretive, clandestine relationship, so guess he's got a decision to make....
then there's Nick! fuck....what to do with him? and this one is more difficult, so more will be said on this - just not tonight as my back is sore so i've valiumed up and even as i type i can feel myself slowing down...
so it's au revoir for now - until the next instalment
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