think i left my mojo in central park

yeah, not really, obviously, but it occurred to me today that i may well have left my mojo in central park...

he he! so it's now day 6 of being back at work at the immediately post holiday bliss of 'how was it', 'you look great', 'it's so nice to have you back' etc, well, that's largely worn off and has been replaced with the reality...

and honestly, the reality isn't that bad! i mean it involves a team i love, a job i love, a boss i like most of the time, a workplace that is filled with challenges and one where i know i am making a difference, and Nick...

yep, and other than the last part it's all very very positive and honestly, if he weren't there i doubt i'd even be still thinking about what happened....

but he is, and sadly, my reality, i guess like a lot of others who fall into a relationship with someone at work, is that once it's over, you have to see that person, even though you'd rather not, and in some cases (unsure if this is me) you'd rather never have to see them again, much less have meetings with them...

yep, so for now, at least, that's my reality - and i say for now, as i am super hopeful that he will get of his arse and find a job..not like he likes the airport, not like he's been happy there for ages, but a new boss (who he does not like) and the possibility of a broader role is much more likely to entice him to stay which is not really what i want...

nope! what i want is for him to leave and soon - how disappointing to come back from leave to find that his colleague has resigned when i would so much rather it have been him...

oh well, i guess, there is in this, a lesson and as Leah said to me yesterday, in time, i'll be glad i worked through this as he is someone i trust (although i'm wondering if i should trust him less now - yes, think i should, and this is about me installing boundaries not about anything he's done to make me believe he's no longer trustworthy - but truth is, he may never have been, he may well have been lying to me the whole time - yes i know, i'm paranoid) and in a work sense, we do work well together and he's someone i can rely on to do things for me - additionally, our functions have not always enjoyed a good working relationship which him and i have worked hard to create, so would (in a way) be a shame if he were to leave, only to be replaced by someone who didn't share a desire to work so well with my team...

on the other hand, in him leaving, all i can see is upside! for one i would not have to be reminded EVERY fucking day of the working week that i liked this man a lot, that he liked me a lot, but in reality, all i was to him was his rebound girl....yep, and i've probably been someone elses rebound girl but this hurt...and a lot....

so universe as i continue to come to terms with where things are at and start to really enjoy my single life again (yes, i'm making a good stab of that thank you), please can you find it within your powers to present him with a job he wants so he can leave...

of course if that isn't possible, then perhaps you could find it in your powers to have me meet the man of my dreams so that i will eventually not even care that he's still there....

actually, i'd like to put myself first for a change, so if you could focus all your energy on helping me to continue to move on and to be open and ready for my mr right to enter my life, well that would be great...i'll work hard too!

sooo, i don't think i really left my mojo in central park - i think really what happened is that i had 3 amazing weeks away from work and Nick and it gave me a chance to remember who Sarah was, what she stands for and who she wants to be...and sure, she hasn't stayed in NYC, it's just a little harder to find her every day....

but, as they say in the classics, tomorrow is another day and really, each day presents me with an opportunity to be that Sarah and to hold my beautiful head up high and move forward...

and to set some boundaries - oh yes, that's underway too!

nite x