a step in the

right direction is probably what i did today but it feels kinda weird...

i feel a bit sad, a bit empty and i guess weird...but in my head (and whilst i'm reluctant to admit it, probably in my heart too) i know it was the right thing to do...still, i feel a bit lost

so a coupla weeks ago Nick offered to come and sort of my universal remote once the new telly arrived...initially i didn't respond but last weekend in the middle of my post CFO meeting which went pear shaped meltdown, i reached out to Nick and asked him if he'd come fix it....

so we made plans for this coming Sunday - yes, i know right - what was i thinking? Sunday was always our night and almost as soon as i'd agreed the date with him i realised that it probably wasn't a good idea

the last thing i need right now, when i'm finally back on my feet, is to start thinking about 'what if', or to feel even remotely inclined to fall back into the old pattern with him...and i've only just cleansed the house of him (well i think i have), so really, inviting him back into my home just didn't really seem well advised...

and so, after a couple of days of contemplation, i simply told him that i could no longer do sunday but thx.....in typical Nick fashion his response is simply 'ok'....

and so i think we refer to this as an ending, a closure, but perhaps, really what it is, is a new start, a new beginning and the chance for something else to enter my life....

so whilst i'm a little sad, feel like it really is the end, it also feels good, i feel good that i've taken control...

now if that quiet nagging voice would stop, it'd all be good!

nite....

ps in other news, i have a date saturday!