Nick broke up with me, i feel good, really really good, and happy! seems the blog discovery last weekend may well have been the kick up the arse i needed to really put him behind me....and sure, seeing him last sunday was not good for me, but maybe i did it because subconsciously i knew it would be the last time we caught up in a non work capacity....in fact, i am ready to actually not talk to him at all...and sure i liked him, a lot, but reality is he treated me very badly and hurt me deeply, so i'm not sure why i have spent so much time pandering to his needs, and putting how he might feel if i cut him off ahead of my own needs and feelings? dumb really....
anyhoo, i feel good! i also feel good that i have identified that i think the issues of my unhappiness and so called 'small depressive' episode of the other month, are in fact related to my peri menopause hormonal swings and in reality, very little to do with him...sure, the end of that relationship contributed to my unhappiness but i think the 'unhinged' episodes are hormonally induced even though i mistakenly thought they were about Nick....
truth is, i did like him, i wanted things between us to work out, but in reality, i knew they wouldn't and i knew that from the get go...funny how hope and hormones can be a bad combination, well for me anyway!
anyway, i'm happy....had a great day saturday, a so so day yesterday and a great day today! had a nice afternoon, evening and morning with mum and dad (despite Dogs losing to the Storm, who were the better team on the day)....and then i had lunch with BD....
hmmm BD, lovely lovely bloke.....kissed me on the cheek hello (it's funny, i don't really want to make a comparison to Nick, but he's someone who's actually comfortable with himself, emotionally available, expressive and nice...and most importantly, makes me feel good about myself)...
i so enjoyed our time together - wasn't sure how it would go - we've been friends at work for months but today was our first out of work catch up....it was lovely! easy, comfortable, we laughed, sat in the sun lunching and drinking after a quick drive in Georgie, then he came back to mine to fix up the towel rail...we had tea, chatted about books, tarot, my novel, my nephew, cricket etc....
really really nice way to spend a public holiday monday afternoon...
then a chat with Leah, then drink and dinner with VA - i had a sense when he made contact with me a few weeks ago that he was going thru some relationship difficulties, i was right - him and the gf broke up a couple of weeks ago...had a lovely evening with him - it's been FAR too long since i saw him...
so, really, a lovely lovely day and a perfect day to end a long weekend...i really am very blessed, and whilst i don't want to jinx myself, i actually feel as though i have turned a corner today.....finally able to put the Nick stuff behind me - BD said to me today that it frustrates him to see me blame myself for what he did - you're intelligent, beautiful, funny etc and yet because he didn't want to be in a relationship, you make it about you - it's not....you know what? he's absolutely right....
funny too, in that i've never been one of those girls who gets over one bloke by getting interested in another - nope, never done that, and i don't think i'm doing that now, but it sure was nice to hang out with BD.....
also, he said something that made me do a double take and i'm not going to analyse it to death, but i just remembered it as i was typing....he said he thought the break in nyc would do me the world of good and when i got back i'd be happy and firing and the 'old Sarah', and that he would be wondering why he hadn't snapped me up sooner...
hmmm, no idea what to make of that - probably nothing, but anyway it's nice to hang out with someone who can easily and comfortably express himself...
sooo tonight i'm going to bed smiling and feeling very grateful for all of the lovely people in my life...i'll miss him when i'm gone but since he's installed viber today, we'll be able to chat whilst i'm away....
afternoon ended with a big hug and a kiss - yep, i like this man...right now he's a lovely friend who i enjoy spending time with and it's nice to get to know him....
smiling! smiling, and in 4 sleeps, 3 weeks in my favourite city! it's suddenly looking up and very bright....
yay!
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