shouldn't surprise me

but it does a little...FC does care about me, told me it pains him to see me so unhappy and yet he's not in a position to do anything about it and he finds himself having to hold himself back from reaching out to me...this was monday (before i started to feel good again)....

agreed with me when i told him i hoped when he was finally ready someone as fabulous as me turned up...oh that's right, there isn't anyone as fabulous as me out there...

and i suspect he will now go quiet as i sent him soemthing of a lengthy missive today following our text conversation last night, which itself was followed by an actual conversation because he misunderstood me...

seems, on reflection, that he really is more prone to analysing everything, is definitely paranoid and really is more sensitive than me - although he has always had a way of making me feel overly sensitive...he accused me of being insensitive and selfish last night - what an amazing twist of irony!

when we were together (he actually referred to me as his ex last night too...) it was so much more about him and what he wanted, and he calls me selfish - fucking hilarious!

anyway, who knows what will happen now, but i am finding, as i do, that in trying to heal myself, i want to say everything to him so there is really nothing left to say...and i feel that right now that is the process i'm going thru...

so! anyway, shouldn't surprise me that he cares, and understands...but it actually did...

am really going to bed now!

nite peeps, and thanks for dropping by