post #2

should i feel bad? i do and i don't...

so i had a horror thought today - what if FC were to find the blog? to stumble across what is pretty much my inner thoughts, at times a complete purge of my inner dialogue...

well truthfully i'd be sad if he saw it, and just thinking about that possibility makes me cringe - however, it's my blog and they are my thoughts at the time i post them - they aren't permanent, of course, but i would be sad if he were to read all of this stuff...and of course it's not all bad, there's plenty of stuff about why i like him, how much i like him, all the cute things he did, but still, on balance, it probably appears rather negatively!

on the other hand it's highly unlikely and it is in fact, effectively, my journal, my diary and an important part of how i understand the things that happen in my life, my emotions, my feelings, my reactions, and ultimately it's a way for me to sift through what is real and what is not...

so i guess i shouldn't feel bad...

however, FC, if you do stumble across this then please know that i didn't write any of it hoping or thinking you would read it, nor intending to hurt you...but merely to try and soothe myself...

so i know i shouldn't feel bad, and a part of me does, but another part of me doesn't...