much easier to do, in that i'm sure it means that good stuff comes to us...when we are happy and giving out a positive vibe, then positive stuff comes to us? not only that, happy is attractive....it's true! and it's infectious and frankly, it just feels good....
of course, i am not saying that we should all be happy all of the time, in fact, i don't think that's possible, and i'm not underestimating how bloody difficult it is when one is actually suffering from depression or some other mental illness, to actually 'be happy'....but in recent days, the first few consecutive days in what feels like months, that i have felt happy, well, it's just been nice...
more than nice, i find myself feeling better, looking better, behaving better and in fact being a 'better' version of myself...in addition, i am sure i am more attractive to others (i'm not talking physically either)...yes, energetically happy is much better...
so i had my 3rd good day...it doesn't sound like very much but when you have felt shrouded in a dark and heavy cloud for so long, 3 days of happiness and feeling good and sunshine (i'm certain that is a factor) feel good...
and as i left work tonight (exhaustion playing a big part in me leaving just after 5pm) not sadness exactly, but something started to creep in....
perhaps it would be good for me to examine the different feelings and also the thoughts when i am tired....i am certain, of course, it makes sense, that being tired is not conducive to rational thinking and not 'going down the odd rabbit hole'....
hmmm, anyway, sure i wasn't sad, exhausted yes, but i found myself thinking about FC....a lot! might be because we had a lot of contact today, might be simply because i was tired, and it's harder to 'do new patterns' when tired as it takes much more energy to not fall into old patterns...and i told him in an email (as yet, unanswered!) that i wasn't waiting for him, and i'm not, but i have to be honest and say that even though i'm not waiting, i haven't lost hope, my day dreams that he will turn up and ask me to take him back are not dead, not by a long shot....
today i had visions of him calling me from his holiday (apparently later this year) and telling me he wanted to make me dinner and when i arrive, there's candles and him telling me he can't be without me, that's he an idiot and what was he thinking in letting me go...
oh dear, i really MUST be tired! so bed is calling, and i hope that i wake up tomorrow feeling good, which will make 4 days in a row, and surely that IS a good sign!
night folks, wishing you a happy friday ahead!
xx
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