think i might

be turning a corner....

so today was the first day since we split that i have felt good, pretty much all day! even when i left i was looking forward to nothing more than a quiet night at home and the final episode of Offspring, which i missed last night...

that was, until, i see him in front of me on the road - of course, i couldn't help but get in front of him, and i did, and he didn't manage to get back in front of me...he he he! i know, i know, childish, but i couldn't help myself! imagine how much zippier i will be when i get my new car...yay! of course i texted him to gloat (how could i not!) and eventually he tells me he's going out drinking with his former boss...i wonder why he does that? does he think i need to know what he's doing these days?

bizarre really! and i have to say if he texts me later (meaning, when he's drunk) i will not be happy....i think i am very very very close to telling him that he should no longer text me when he's drunk or bored as it's simply not fair on me...but as i type that i really wonder if he does this without any understanding of how i might feel...? i think he might, on some level, possibly sub or unconscious, think that by texting me, that connection will remain...although as each day passes, i am starting to feel it diminish...

he wants to be friends, i have never wanted to just be friends, so seems, that other than a good work relationship, there won't be anything else...and honestly, when i saw him today i was not remotely attracted to him (and sure, my stomach did a flip when i saw his car in front of me on the way home, but hey, i'm human)....he looked awful, hair looked bad, he really does stink of cigarettes (which on anyone else i would loathe - in fact i loathed it about him in the beginning, before i really got to know him), and i found myself looking at him, perhaps for the first time in a long time, without the rose coloured glasses - so rather than seeing him for 'what i wanted him to be' i simply saw him...hmmm

so anyway, i had a good day! i had the loveliest evening with LL, got home to find some rather serious email news, so had to make a few calls, do a few emails, so bed didn't happen until nearly 1am (groan), and then a very early start in prep for a big, and frankly, stressful meeting...went well in the end, and when i finally left just after 5pm i was exhausted!

so new doona cover is on the bed (very nice), aldi shopping done, petrol in the car, dry cleaning dropped off and a productive day at work, so i'm feeling very much like i deserve a quiet night on the couch.....

anyway, i need to make dinner and settle into the couch, so nite peeps, and have a great friday!