over him?

hmmm so i don't usually like the expression 'get over it' or 'get over him' which is the often free advice offered to those of us who are moving on from a relationship...and i have never liked the saying 'get over', coz really, how DO you get over someone, that for however short or long a period of time, meant something to you?

do you actually get over them or do you in fact just accept that what you wanted (at some point) won't be? and find a way to move on from the hopes and dreams you may have held with this person? yes, i think that's it...

and yes, i did have hopes and dreams for what might be with FC and me, and yes the painful sadness which followed when he pulled the pin has gone, and yes a very very small part of me still holds onto something, but mostly, i feel good...

and i wonder actually if i am 'over him'? certainly i feel better, the old Sarah has re-emerged and i have remembered what it's like to wake up and feel happy, and sure i'm not jumping for joy this week (after all i've had a headache for 10 days) but i feel better, brighter and positive about what my future holds...

and i know for a fact that it doesn't include FC, well not in a romantic capacity anyway....and following on from last night's post, i wonder if it will include him at all...i'm still pondering whether, long term, we will in fact be friends....i honestly don't know - i have no sense of whether or not we could be...but based on my conversation with Leah earlier in the week and again today (where we both talked about how difficult friendships with others have been since we connected - see our connection is a meeting of the minds, a mental kinship as it were, and it leaves other friendships for dead in some ways...shallow and superficial and lacking emotional depth) i question whether he could be the sort of friend to me that i would want? and then of course there's the added difficulty of how i am going to feel when he tells me (as a friend) that he's met someone, or is randomly sleeping with someone...yep, i am certain i don't want to know that sort of stuff, and sure i said i was over him (well, actually, i said i think i am) but still, it's not like i can forget what i wanted things to be with him...

anyway, i'm rambling (i know, i know, nothing new right?) so i'm going to take myself to bed and watch Tiffs...and for the FIRST time in ages, i feel good, happy good and not sad, not asking myself all the questions that have plagued my head in the last few weeks...nope, i feel pretty good actually

nite y'all x