frustrated...

yep, really fucking frustrated...so after a good day i have been downloading again today on the new pc and in doing so, seems like i've managed to accidentally delete everything out of itunes...

i'm so fucking annoyed and because FC help me set everything up, it makes me wish i could just call him, or that we were together and now i'm sitting here not only frustrated and annoyed as i have absolutely NO idea what i did, but also helpless...

and this reminds me of how i would often feel after Ben and I had broken up as he was so good with computer stuff that i relied on him, and i guess i've come to rely on FC too in recent times and that just makes me feel sad...

and of course i've texted him, but he'll do his usual non responsive shit - and true, he is coming here tomorrow to sort some other stuff out, but i just hate feeling like this...this is one of the things about being single that i really hate, and i'll admit that when stuff like this happens i do tend to behave like a child (i'm grown up enough to admit this)....and i'm not proud of it, but when thigs go wrong and i don't know how to fix them, well it seems it's a trigger to some sadness...i guess the truth is that we all need someone to rely on occasionally, and right now, i feel like i can't rely on anyone, and this isn't unfamiliar to me, but still, i don't like it...and tonight, after a lovely day actually, i'm now just frustrated, annoyed with self and sad.....and not having anyone to rely on, especially when things don't go to plan, well it's a trigger for me...

yep, so at least i'm aware of it, right? that's good right? well right now it so doesn't feel good...

all i can think now is that whilst the music and video files still appear to be on my computer (phew), they are no longer in itunes (meaning, when i open itunes it's empty)...and i have NO idea how i've done that....

so i'm annoyed...with myself, with the new computer (as i have NO idea really how the file structure works nor how things seem to move without me even doing anything - meaning the mouse pad is very sensitive i think)

so, i've had a bit of a cry, i would scream if i didn't think it would disturb my neighbours, but i'm sure i'll be ok...

all i am hopeful for is that FC will be able to sort it out for me, i have no doubt he will, but i really hope he can...

so, rant over....tea and jaffa cakes might cheer me up!

nite x