the positives...

and yes, i know, it's pretty early on, but i can think of at least 2 positives in what has been an otherwise craptastic day...

firstly, i'm relieved to not have to be wondering anymore about whether he'll make contact, whether he will run away...nope, he has run away so there is now at least likely to be way more time available for me to do the things i love and want to, rather than allowing myself to be drawn in to the drama that was my relationship with FC; and yes, that's my shit, but i seemingly can't resist....

secondly, better now, than in a few months when i'd fallen in love with him...and sure, i can't be certain i would have fallen in love, especially given his penchant for running away, shutting me out and going silent at times (not to mention the drinking, which i think is very close to being a real issue, and the smoking, which i've tried to ignore, but i really don't like it...), but still, better now than later

thirdly, my friends! my trusted, beautiful and supportive friends - thanks for being you, for being there and for being with me through this....i love you

so, FC if you had stumbled across the blog and you read this, know a few things: i don't regret what we had, even though i'm hurting right now, perhaps you running away is all part of the universe's grand plan for me and perhaps, as a number of my nearest and dearest have suggested you were the test run, the experiment...the one for me to work out some of my stuff with before my mr right turns up....however, that said i will miss you and the time we spent together, i'll miss hanging out with you and watching our tv shows, i'll miss lying in your arms and getting your texts....but i won't miss knowing that ultimately you were never ready to be with me and what that did to my sense of self...nope, won't miss that at all..

nite!