melt down

is the only way i can describe where i am right now...

woke up at 4am and found myself crying...i feel like i am all the way back in a place where i don't want to be and one i thought i may not find myself in again...

but no, here i am

so here's how the week has gone:
 - his freak out about us being seen was met with 'i think we should cool things down' and 'the work situation is untenable'
 - he has pulled back so much that i feel like it's been a slap in the face
 - his desire to have a 'chat' seemed to disappear when he arrived wednesday and he let himself have a lovely night with me (if he is leading me up the garden path again i am going to be so very disappionted)
 - his texts this week have been scant, factual, none of the 'i miss you', 'i'm disappinted when i don't get to see you', 'when am i seeing you again' or 'nite xx' that has been the last few weeks (all driven by him)
 - and he's started to not respond to some of my texts, almost dropping out of a conversation which is something he used to do....
 - and he has assumed on Sunday I will go to him, so there has been no discussion about our plans, he has simply planned it and told me

so i can only assume from all of this (and sure, perhaps i shouldn't be assuming anything) that the FC of the last few weeks, who made a huge play for me, is either scared, or has changed his mind....

i'm miserable, and i have NO idea how i'm going to get thru the day at work today :-(