seriously...

i don't know why i continue to expect that in reaching out to him i'll get what i need (or is it what i want?)...

unsure, but anyway, not for the first time, his literalness has annoyed me....

one 'busy' day at work and he's tired...fuck! and of course it DOES take a lot of energy to communicate with someone by text...apparently not when he's bored or he wants to, but when i want to...yep!

so, this might be another lesson - this one is the 'don't be so fucking available to him' lesson...one i should have learned with Ben (probably) and one that i think is now staring me in the face....

so tonight after very little contact today, except for me asking if he wanted to come test drive the golf with me this week, he said yes, either 2mrw or friday and me telling him that i'd just had some amazing potatoes at a french restaurant and that if he was lucky i would make them for him next time we caught up, his response slightly tongue in cheek asking if i was 'swanning around lunching?'...so i text him just now (yes, why did i do that? am i bored? am i missing him? am i just feeling the need to 'move towards'? yes that's probably it, so perhaps it might be good as i make my way to the post tennis shower, to consider what i wanted in that exchange? what my expectations of him were? and what is it that i need/want that i have assumed he will deliver?

when, seriously, can he? i'm not even sure i know what it is that made me reach out, so yes, some work to do....

so, i'm going to just observe my thoughts this evening and see what little 'gems' i uncover....

seriously, WHEN am i going to learn this lesson?

hopefully soon!