seems he's not

the only one who needs to retreat....

not sure what happened, or maybe i am, but i really need some distance from him right now

and not because of anything bad, on the contrary....i've been trying so hard to go with the flow and 'be friends and see where it goes' as per his request of the other week, and it's been mostly good, often challenging, sometimes confusing but mostly good...

and now, i'm not sure (and i don't want to jinx it or get my hopes up) but i think he is starting to shift....

so we had another nice night last night, so nice we fell asleep in each others arms...

the last few days have been another few days of intense connection and i think we are *finally* getting to a place where we can be nice to each other...it's taken some time! and that's not entirely a surprise...we work together, i initially had my unhealthy 'fantasy' running with him, he got scared and ran away, i had a melt down, he moved back towards me, i stayed a bit aloof, then we talked it out, now we spend at least 2 nights a week together and i guess we are now finally starting to get to know each other, the veneer (at least mine) is starting to melt, his too i guess, and you know what? it's really nice...

sure, there are things about him i don't like, and there are things about me he probably doesn't like, but i feel as if we have hit a groove suddenly...and not exactly suddenly, as really it's been months in the making...

so today he tells me it's been nice to see 'Sarah'....that's after last night telling me i always look lovely (after putting his arm around me and kissing me on the cheek), that he has a penchant for redheads, that i have lovely hair, that my hair is one of my best features, that i was right (yep, this seems trivial, but he's not one to admit that anyone other than him is right)....

i finally feel comfortable to be me with him, not the 'me' i think he wants to see, but me...and you know what? he likes me...

and a little part of me is scared...hence the need to retreat to my sanctuary, where i can just sit with my thoughts....

lyrics from Scooter's Nessaja....any wonder i LOVE this song:


Always lived my life alone, 
Been searching for a place called home. 
I know that I've been cold as ice, 
Ignored the dreams, too many lies. 
Somewhere deep inside, Somewhere deep inside me, 
I found ... the child I used to be
And I know that it's not too late 
Never,
Too late...