blue golf?

so yes, one of the things we did this week was go to the local VW dealership - he's looking at a new car, and i am too...yes, finally i think it's time for me to buy the car i've wanted for many many years: a VW Golf, in this case the GTI...

it was truly a lovely way to spend a lunch hour (of course, it was slightly more than an hour, but still)....he asks me if i'm ready, we agree to take his car, we discuss what we both want with the sales guy (actually not a bad guy, not your typical car salesman), we take the car he likes for a test drive (too sporty for me but he likes it), we get back to his car, he asks me if i want to drive his car back (after telling me only days before that he would never let me drive his car!), i do (it's nice, so nice that i decide i really want one - of course have driven one before when i had one a coupla years back when on holiday in the UK), we get back to work, i thank him for a lovely time and he responds with 'a pleasure' (this is very unlike him...)

even funnier is that when we set off he asks me how my morning has been (lucky i wasn't drinking anything, might have choked)...maybe i'm getting through to him

then we have dinner together wednesday, after 'grocery shopping' to pick up some items (that was weird - in a comfortable but uncomfortable domestic sort of way...weird, and nice), then a lovely (and late) night together....

we are becoming so much more comfortable with each other and i like that...we seem (almost) to have a 'way' with each other at his place now (how did that happen?)....

and i left feeling that this 'just being friends' caper was going to be sooo much harder to manage for me...

didn't see him Thursday (i was in town) which was actually nice, nice to have some separation although we texted throughout the day and he admitted to feeling on edge...guess i was happy he feels comfortable to admit that to me, but i also have to admit that i felt a bit pressured too...see when Ben and I were together, i always felt so bloody responsible for his moods, and looking after him, i felt that familiar pull when I read FC's text....but it was great that in the moment i recognised it, and so rather than feeling like i had to 'do' something (this is an age old pattern for me and stems back to, probably, my earliest childhood), i simply sent him a text saying i was sending him positive thoughts and a hug...and honestly, as a friend, what else would you do?

so, yes, we have progress! anyway, i'm rambling! i'm seriously considering a new car, especially now i know the dealer will get it made in the navy blue i want (it doesn't come standard in this colour you understand, so it would be a special order - I'm worth it! and i am not spending that much money on a car that isn't blue...), won't be here til around xmas, but that's ok...

so, new car (probably) and some progress, but still, largely confused and a bit unsure....

hmmm