baby steps...

is what i took tonight...

yep, so after almost 2 weeks of avoiding (is that the right word? not sure) my parents, i finally call them tonight...

i have really struggled since they were here, in some ways, and as sad as this is, i was embarrassed that i had a complete and utter meltdown in front of them, and then, having had the realisation about the impact my mother has had on me, and subsequently, on my intimate relationships with men, i just haven't wanted to talk to her...

and that's been hard really, it's pretty hard to know that your parents won't be around forever, but then, still insist on not talking to them at times...yep, that's been difficult for me to manage, and i'm not sure i have managed it that well...

anyway, no harm seems to be done and who ever really knows what's going on for someone else, but they seemed fine when i spoke to them tonight....doesn't help that she is recovering from breast cancer so i have experienced some guilt in keeping them at a distance for a while, but you know what? i had to do it for myself...

so baby steps in speaking to them tonight, and i'm certain it's not going to end up being anything other than baby steps really, but at least i don't have to deal with the guilt on top of everything else...

sigh!

ps and just like that my feeling good seems to have evaporated :(